A weekend of pleasure and pain....

...lots of pain!

May Day Bank Holiday Weekend and well, it was on the whole wet! Whereas Englishmen dance around maypoles and morris dance, us Cornish folk have the 'Obby 'Oss and the Furry Dance. Yup, I know, we're strange as a country!

So with the added bonus of entertaining 3 teenage children who have only been to the sterile environments of Skegness and Northampton, it was time to inflict some racing on them, Westcountry style.

However, as part of the almost Middle East-esque keeping of the peace deal, a trip to the shopping metropolis that is Drake's Circus, Plymouth, was the bargaining chip. And then the first amount of pain come. Try standing outside a changing room with limited 3G based distractions and a battery on the wain, not for 5 minutes, not for 10, try the best part of an hour, thumb twiddling, I even went on a journey to HMV to kill some time. However that killing turned into a massacre. Women don't act like us blokes, nice pair of jeans, in my size, pay the man, in the bag, home, done. After much shoe gazing, now at least I know the thinking of Neil Hooper (676) every race morning. Black dress or purple dress, does it go with my shoes and can I get a matching handbag to go with?

COWDENBEATH IN CRISIS - CROWD STUNNED AS SOMEONE ELSE WINS

7 days of national mourning have been announced by First Minister, Alex Salmond, after it was announced that neither firm fan favourite and winner of Nobel Prize for stock car racing, Lordy Gordy Moodie (7) and his trusty companion Sir Christopher Edward Burgyone (647) won a single race between them. With the heats distributed between Tom Adcroft (768) and Craig Wallace (163), the dastardly Adcroft then kept the boys at bay by taking the final also. Rubbing salt further into the wounds, Wallace then took the national. Promoters GMP issued a statement hoping that this was just a blip and that normal service would be resumed as soon as possible.


ISSIT A PRINGLE? SADLY BRADDERS IT IS, AS CARL STEALS A LYNN WIN

Over on the East Coast, the shale shifters were in force with another good turnout. After a heat win for fellow member of the stox twitterati, Dave Polley (38) and the other going the way of the English Champion Nick Rogers (742), the consolation was taken by Chris Bradbury (886), followed home by Carl Issit (103). That was the way of the final also, until the King's Lynn steward that the 886 mobile had been a little eager with the go pedal, and lo, the knitted garment was adorned, and it was stalwart Issit that took the final win from Andrew Palmer (606). However, despite his misdemeanor in the final, Bradbury then took some small comfort from winning the Grand National.


JAY SHOWS THE WAY AT ST DAY

Sunday morning saw several not quite tired enough teenagers with the partner and I, as we headed west to St Day. Going past the numerous numpties going to Trago Mills (which was also painful on Saturday) and going down the Glynn Valley, between Liskeard and Bodmin. As I was approaching Bodmin Parkway station, someone was turning into the station and caused me to brake to a standstill, which unfortunately the bloke behind didn't. Fortunately, my Golf remained virtually unscathed, unlike the other blokes Pug. With a little hit and a stiff neck for the car load. Yeoucch, and more pain was to come as a necessary stop to Kingsley Village meant that £14 of sweets had to be bought to lessen the shock for the kids!

St Day was sunny, if not a bit cold, and for what was my first there this year. Crispen and co had been busy solving a few problems. Autospeed's allegiances in the Premiership battle became clear as the "United" had been removed from the Downs Raceway, and also the Loch Ness monster and her family had set up camp on each corner, stopping any nasty corner cutters!

Just out of shot, Lord Lucan on Shergar....

It was also a day for those whose grade has changed. Some getting used to their new found status of grandeur, some rubbing their hands together at an easier ride. Indeed all 3 heats went the way of the yellows, as Chris Rowe (76),Jay Tomkin (290) and Jamie Beere (954) who were very unfortunate to drop to yellow, all spoke of their intention not to stay there too long. Nessie claimed her first victim also, as Simon Edwards (430) spun down the start finish straight, giving Chris Mikulla's (522) nerf bars a healthy crunch. So with the final looking like it was likely to be a low grade affair, Neil Hooper (676) set about using his bumper to effect. However both Tomkins and Edwards had sped into the distance, but once clear of the Darleyford driver, former Banger European Champion Tomkins sped away and took a clear lead. As the chequered fell it was Tomkins from Edwards, and in his probably his best result of the season Liam Rowe (605) took 3rd. The rapidly improving Jamie Avery (126) rounded off another star free day at St Day.

Soon to be named the Etihad Raceway...

On another note, how long must Autospeed persist with the "comedy" commentary double act of Wyatt and Goldsworthy, especially as this was a championship meeting. Maybe we are spoilt with the stattos and anorak commentators of Linfield, Goddard et al, but for me Wyatt doesn't cut the mustard. He reminds me of the much derided Richard Clark, who used to stalk Swindon, Bristol and
Taunton, who truly was appalling. You can't hear him, his delivery is rushed and not measured. Goldsworthy on the other hand, his enthusiasm for all things on all things bangers is remarkable, however I heard him name check and promote a rival non ORCi promotion, the North Cornwall Banger Racing Club's meeting at Netherbridge, which is a grass track. A major faux pas....

Also did anyone else have a programme which was forward and back? Mine was like one of those adventure story books. Turn to page 5 for the amulet or turn to page 9 to speak to the sorceress? Nah I just want to read "5 years ago"!

BRADDERS BRISTOL'S BRAVEST IN PINK PUDDLE PRIZE

Strawberry TART anyone?

After a heavy application of Deep Heat to sort out the whiplash, it meant that things were a little stiff, for all in the Golf. The events of Sunday had curtailed any potential involvement in said bike race. Having seen the weather forecast, I did a Steve Rees and cancelled any involvement just in case the rains came. I wanted to give the girls an experience of Bristol, but I didn't want to scar them to life! As everyone who has been to Bristol can vouch, a wet Bristol can be bleak at best! It was dry and we all felt confident, including Lively Linfield, who reckoned the weather forecast was spot on, bit of sunshine, but risk of showers. So when all in sundry turned up with their bikes and various degrees of pinkness to start the bikes, we thought ok.... from the video coming soon, you can see things turned very wet very quickly!

So with the fun over, the serious racing took place, and with a further down pour, the track was sodden and slippy. Heat 1 went the way of Jay Tomkins (290) who was fresh from his win the day before, and Heat 2 went the way of Bradmeister, indeed so did heat 3 and the final, but alas rain stopped play for the Jho contingent, and the earliest finish to a meeting since both me and my sister were Yorkshire and Lancashire during a midweek food poisioning at Newton Abbot about 20 years ago.  Matt Linfield (464) was no doubt gleeful as the horrific shower deposited another cloud, as he took the win in the GN to go with his runner up trophy.

With no doubt cries of "southern softy" crying from Wrighty, who'll have the report of Sheffield here soon...

Right, tumble dryer to warp 10 please.....