Come What May!

So as April disappeared, the sun came out to play, and it was bledey 'ansom. New grades came into play and and it wasn't just Ayrton and Liam who were in danger of going from white to red in such a short space of time, as I hadn't dug out the factor 40 in time, and my arms and neck seared nicely as the steak on the BBQ I arrived home to on Monday night.
In glorious sunshine, it was pick up Lampy and go off through the valley of the windmills, and down into glorious Cornwall for your Mayday fix of stox. It was also 12 months ago, that en route to the same meeting, that someone rammed Das Golf up the backside....
It wasn't a good day for loud noises, after a drinking session with my mate on "Old Rosie" dirty filthy scrumpy! Feeling a little tender from abusing apples, I believed like Paul Butcher (189) that I could win the final!

There were a fair amount of cars in the pits on the Sunday at St Day, including a fair few visitors, including Bradders (886), the new king of comedy in the pits, Rich Mead (596) along with Jack Aldridge (921). Also in the pits, making a return to Saloons, were the Flying Jones Brothers, Murray and Todd, out to cause more mischief in the tin tops!

 

 

Thats scratched it....

So heat 1 saw this season's Mr Unlucky.... Matt Westaway (835) get away....followed by fellow Janner, the legend of the Lovetap Liam Rowe (605) in second, "fresh" from flying back from a mid season Janner Motorsport search for sun. I am told there are plenty of stories of what brother Ross got up to, which I am sure Sam Deeble (sister of Matt and Adam, daughter of Jeremy) will let out of the bag. What goes on tour, goes on Facebook!

Heat 2 saw a flop over, as Marc Rowe (526) tripped over track debutant, former Grimley track champion,  Danny Withers (437). Chris Mikkula (522) took the win, from his blue grade, and his vinyl tape effort at regrading as "a shit job"

The consolation was a good old fashioned affair, plenty of whites and yellows, a sprinkling of blues but no one else. Charging PJ Moss (979) strolled away, but it was the Dairy Farmer Andrew Bennett who got the cream, and took the consolation.

Not a Cabtec wing.

Final time and once again a lovely 30 car final meant only one thing.....carnage! With upgraded Ryan Hoskin (991) spinning on the toilet bend, in front of the new grandstand seating it started a chain reaction. Rich Thomas (599) collected the Cornish youngster, and Paul Butcher going over Dan Moss (797) like he was a boat going for launch. Rich Mead going in like it was last orders at the bar, and then the mother of all park ups occurred. One thought about the late Trevor Redmond, and that next time it would be pay and display on the top corner. Out came the red flags and along came the restart albeit without half a dozen or so starters. With the restart came another caution, as the downgraded Jay Tonkin (290) continued his tradition of at least rolling over once a St Day season, and usually when downgraded so it gets rid of the old foils! With the green finally rolling, Westaway took an early lead, pursued by a gaggle of blue tops led by previous final winner Ashley Rundle (116), Mikkula and Rowe. Indeed the Callington blue top caught the 835 machine and moved into a bit of daylight, only for Mikkula, now with superstars Bradbury (886) and James Rygor (783) for company. A good old fashioned scrap occured between those 3, and Rundle took full advantage gaining a car length or two, before taking the chequered and red roof for next weekend. Ever the case that if you are disillusioned with the sport, karma can pay back with rewards as the Harry Potter tribute act 2 his second final win at St Day in as many meetings! Rygor the Tiger rounded a incredibly satisfying day and sunny day with a win in the National

MONDAY...

A decent night's kip was what the doctor ordered from the Sunday, as thanks the apple abuse and general lack of sleep over the past couple of weeks, I was surprised and almost had a Hugh Grant moment as I checked my phone and it was 9:40am. Fuck. Fuckety fuck. If I'm to get to Bristol in good time, I'll need to be on the road by 10:30 at the latest. The Sh's done, it was time to do the pre flight checks. Oil, Check. Radiator. Check. Washer fluid, bit low, not surprising after the dusty St Day. Then the bonnet catch wouldn't go down. Cue much fiddling and scratching between me and dad, who joked that if it was a Vauxhall, then the bonnet would never be down, always up. Much mumbling about cars being unnecessarily tidied away and hidden (Dad works with tractors) later - the catch was closed, and off I went on my merry way. 11:10am. Fuckety, fuck, fuck, fuck. With a swish of the side parting and an awkward chatting up of an American film star in only the way that happens in Richard Curtis movies, it was onward. Very, very slow progress, as I joined the tide heading away from the Westcountry, as every caravan was causing chaos on the A30. I arrived at track at 1:05pm, five minutes after the scheduled start time, but there was one thing I could be assured of, that Bristol never runs on time!

The Rookies Reward saw a nice little battle between Matt Linfield (464) and Richard Beere (254) with the added incentive of a set of shocks donated by Shocktec. It was Linfield who took the win on the last lap from the veteran Beere. Heats went the way of Chris Mikkula and The Tiger, who once again made Bradders think if he had made a mistake in selling him his old car! After the newly nicknamed (see the Dominator) Dicky Pintof (254) made up for losing the Rookies and throwing away a large lead in Heat 1 with a spin, by taking the Consi.

Thunderpix pic.

Final time, and for the second meeting in a row, a large pile up brought out the reds. Jay Scott (686) tried to take off from Paul Moss (979), whilst Dan Moss (797) took to the Mendips Monorail as Matt Linfield (464) was given permission to fly....


When the race got going again, it was Jimmy Halfpintof (954) who led away his dad. Indeed Daddy Beere took the lead, just as the scrapping Bradbury and Hooper (676) fresh from moving house, which caused his absence from St Day. Races are often won and lost with a single move, and Bradders move on Hooper was telling and decisive, gaining the place and space to go on to yet another Bristol victory, reinstating him as one of the favourites for semi glory.

Jamie Avery(126) in the national showing again that the national points is an arse, by taking the win from Mikkula (522). Avery has been one of the stand out consistent red tops both home and away in the first grading period...

POINTS OF ORDER

Autospeed honcho Crispen Rosevear taking his camera out for the first time in eons. Past Life regression anyone? Or recapturing his youth. Will we be seeing Mr Rosevear growing a set of curtains next?

Come the next Bank Holiday, the opportunity to report at both the next St Day and Bristol is unlikely to happen unless time travel or rapid cloning happens in the next three weeks.
Now for the last couple of years there have been extraneous bank holidays tacked on for Royal celebrations which have solved this problem.

Westcountry drivers have no local meetings for 3 weeks, then bank holiday, bang bang bang with the meetings and boom nothing more then until the next Bank holiday, then another gap of 2 weeks. It seems total madness that both tracks attract the same drivers, and we are left with 2 sub standard meetings rather than potentially a classic.

From a promoters point of view, Bank Holidays are usually the biggest cash cow of getting an audience, and to Joe Public likes to go out on a Bank Holiday, and it's great entertainment, but from the drivers and spectators, we want to maximise race meetings and opportunities, especially in busy grading periods. Drivers also want to maximise there diesel budgets, and to get as many meetings they can from a Bank Holiday weekend.

The arguments are clear from the promoters that distance is a deciding factor, as you don't tend to see Bristol drivers at St Day or vice versa, but all seem to race Taunton. When there is a lack of meetings generally to compete with our Scottish and Midland brethern, to have a clash, which most of the top drivers will attend one or the other, plays right into the hands of uneven grading.

Bristol seemed very hesitant to bring out yellow flags for cars abandoned on the dip bend... Maybe the steward was asleep? Sad to say but Bristol is getting a bit of reputation amongst drivers as a damage track, and some, in these fiscally challenging times are foresaking Bristol in favour of more driver friendly tracks (aka Dull)

But wasn't it a blooomin lovely weekend. 2 ice creams and a BBQ, can't be too bad.

Cheers'n gone!

'O's Obby Oss Round Up! May the force be with you!

Happy May the 4th one and all....time for a few mini muses....

In the county of Cornwall we have some weird traditions to bring in the spring. Now the town of Padstow has reached major prominence in recent years thanks to chef Rick Stein, which ahs brought a summer influx of Alices, Tarquins and Jontys to the port. However, traditions continue in the little trawler town. One is a traditional fertility dance called the 'Obby 'Oss, which seems in the winter. It's said that if ladies of a childbearing age went underneath the 'Oss, they would often get pregnant soon after... probably a lot to be said about the men of Padstow that drove the 'Oss!

They also had Darkie day, which up until 2001, the locals blacked up their faces to celebrate a slave boat which was rescued. They then thought it might be construed as a bit racist!

Then you got the Furry Dance in Helston. It's also known as the "Floral Dance". As in Wogan. As in "I thought I could hear the curious tone........"

Moodie celebrates the win, the runner up takes the opportunity to check his prostate

SCOTTISH LOOKS GOOD

Now after the shock of an over 70 car meeting at Birmingham, Cowdenbeath is dangerously close to having a full format meeting on Saturday night for the Scottish Championship, for what is the first title this year. Will number 7 make it 7 Scottish titles? Will there be a shock winner? Come on it's Cowdenbeath!





DURA's HAVE MORE TECH

The much maligned Duratec engine now has more power due to the removal of the restrictor plate which should balance it up a bit, but yet no date of destiny for the removal of the Pinto... I think a 1995 situation will kick in eventually, when the Pinto will be restricted like the 1300 was, and lets bring the sport kicking toward the 21st century....

MINI PROBLEMS

Now if you're heading down into the Valley of Windmills to St Day, you might notice a few minis heading towards you... En route to many a stock car meeting with former travel partner Amanda, we would play the "Mini" game, also known as Yellow Car or Beetle game, where you shout Mini. Now Amanda would get excited and give me a thump in the arm.  Needless to say I forgot that on the May Day Bank Holiday, the annual Mini Riveria Run was taking place in Newquay, a kinda of less chavvy Run to the Sun. My arm was blue come the end as many of the little cars zoomed past on the old A30 on the Goss Moor as we headed to St Day. I used to own one, and you do get misty eyed whenever you see one. My old man had 3 when he started driving. So when we bought the car and drove it back from Newton Abbot, mum and myself followed in their car, and followed him nose to tail, but by the time we pulled into our yard, the mini was facing the other way. Sneaky handbrake and a smile as big as the Saltash Tunnel from father! Indeed it was in this car that I drove to my first meeting by myself. After finishing work, off to the Taunton Saloon World Weekend. Now anyone who has driven a Mini on the road knows, any lump or bump is felt. And there is no road lumpier or bumpier than the road from the track to Honiton. As I drove Lampy to get some beer for the weekend ahead, he drove back, and we weren't messing about! Another big smile! Minis were one of those cars that you felt everything in and could really abuse. I could bore you with a million scrapes and fun with my mini, but I won't!

FROM THE EAST THEY CAME

Well, they all came, technically, but St Day sees a spot of severe A30 driving for some drivers. Bradders (886) is down giving his RCE a spin round the D of Day. Then you have someone who has spent the last month working with Muppets (what he's been working at GMP #lol), stunt rigger extraordinaire and point watcher Rich Mead (596), and semi regular Rather Jack (921) is also down. With these foreigners coming down and the fact he nicked some of their World Points at Northprimoton, has Neil Hooper (676) signalled a period of hiding by his potential non appearance???

AND NOW TO HOGG THE LIMELIGHT

John Hogg (92) has got his red roof ready for the weekend. First time red roof, and a lovely sign job










See you round the Maypole......

The BIG Interview ---- Ayrton Mills (222)

So a new season, and the same old interviews.... Our first for 2013 is undoubtedly one of the stars of the early season, taking plenty of chequereds and points which has propelled the white top to the dizzying heights of superstar. He is named after a F1 legend, which I think might be Alain Prost..... anyways here's Mr Mills (222)

On the way to a final win at Arena 2012

NAME: Ayrton James Mills
HOMETOWN: Southampton
AGE: 20
F2 DEBUT (Year/Track): Taunton Late 2011
NUMBER: 222
PREVIOUS FORMULAE RACED: None
CURRENT F2: Polleysport DP 21
HIGHEST GRADE ACHIEVED: Superstar :)
ACHIEVEMENTS TO DATE: Rising to superstar this year
JOB: General Trader
SPONSORS: Tip Top Bodyworks Ltd, A and S Commercials
FAVOURITE TRACK: Skeg Vegas can't beat it! Apart from the 3 and a half hour drive!
TRACKS RACED: NIR Brum Hednesford Skeg Taunton Bristol Buxton Arena Essex

JH: How did you get involved in racing?

He had to get a move on - it's 3 and half hours home!

AM: Dad used to race National Hot Rods amongst other things, sister raced Minis and my brother raced Superstox and a couple other bits.  We got out of racing for about 8 years but Murray Jones (ex276) introduced us to F2s towards the end of 2011 so we decided to get one.

JH: What made you want to race?

AM: I've always wanted to race but never got the chance then when Murray got us into F2s, Dad really liked the formula and it spiraled from there really.

JH: Talk us through your first meeting...

AM: Oh dear oh dear I try to forget! We had been to Arena practicing once before and thought that I was ready for a race!! I was full of confidence and it was my fiancé 21st birthday, so we weere all in a good mood, that is until I drove myself into the wall coming out the corner and it was game over as we realised I wasn't ready lol!!

On route to the QR win at Hedno

JH: A little birdy told me you are very lucky to be here right now, you almost didn't make your 14th Birthday.... tell us what happened......

Down the hill at Mendips

AM: When I was 13 I kept blacking out, first off I didn't say anything to anyone then it got more frequent so I told my parents. Mum being Mum read up on the internet and worried herself, so we made an appointment to go and get checked (good job really!!). I was hooked up to a ECG machine which monitors your heart beat, while I was on the machine it happened, the doctors face dropped and everything turned serious, I was having a heart attack!!! They left me hooked up to this machine and told my Mum to go home and get some stuff as I was going to be kept it for a while! I had SVT (
Supraventricular Tachycardia), My heart was beating too fast and then stopping repeatedly. I had a major heart operation and lived to tell the tale. Many don't so if in doubt get checked out!!!!!!!

JH: Whats been the best bits and low points of your career so far?

AM: The best bits so far have been the beginning of this season, things have just clicked and the car is superb! The low points? Apart from the Taunton lol? Every meeting last year before we got the DP car and when I rolled at NIR and got collected in the roof! But that was more of a unlucky / very lucky point.

JH: What is your ambition to achieve in the sport? 
AM: Obviously I want to win a title, so does every one, but to hold superstar would be good!

JH: In the opening grading period you won more heats than National Points Champion, Gordon Moodie (7).... How does this make you feel?

AM: When I saw this the other day it put a massive smile on my face, it's a great achievement in its self to win anything more than Moodie, I know I had an advantage though! 

JH: How will you approach superstar? 

AM: I will tell you after the first race at Skegness! Haven't a clue try my best that's all I can do!

JH: Do you have any thank yous?

AM: Of course a massive thank you to Mum and Dad...Another to DP (Dave Polley (38)) and Polleysport for the help! Tip Top Ltd for the paint!

And a big thanks to Cardiac Risk in the Young  (CRY) www.c-r-y.org.uk for saving my life!

Cheers Ayrton!

A Brum epiphany....

So there I was on Friday afternoon, stressed to the eyeballs at work, looking forward to a weekend of doing bugger all.Washing the car, listening to Argyle's relegation dogfight, cooking a bit of tea and watching Jessie J have a nervous breakdown over pressing a friggin button all on the agenda, until a text asking Brum tomorrow.... I thought about it, and then said, why the fuck not! This was before a glance at the entry.... 73 cars.... crikey moses! Brum had a line up that befitted its location for once. Question was would it be 73 cars all in!!!!

So Saturday morning came. Glorious sunshine and for the first time this year, the waterproofs stayed in the boot and out came the shades as a cloudless A30 greeted us. However, as we overtook the Moss Motorsport entourage, it was clear that the sunshine hadn't hit Dan Moss (797). However a game of cat and mouse came along for the Moons and ourselves as tweets flew up and down the M5 about locations..

As we entered Birmingham we noticed a rather large police presence around St Andrews. Dirty, Dirty Leeds were playing the Blues. It was at this point we followed the F1 of Nigel Ha Ha Harrary (45), lovingly nicknamed by the K Foundation. I expect a Beaks Video now!

So onto the racing...

Bearing in mind Bristol has 3 heats with 48 cars, most voices in the pits were whether it would be 3 heats or 2. Considering the busy programme, it was clear, 2 heats, with 12 going through in each.

Heat 1 was won by superstar bound Ayrton Mills (222) at a canter. Ayrton has won more heats than Moodie in the last grading period, so another one chalked up before the wins get a little harder to achieve. Having giving him his Jho sticker he requested but the postman neglected to send to his door, someone from his time acosted me to let me know about his back story. At the age of 12, Ayrton suffered a heart attack, similar to Fabrice Muamba, the Bolton footballer who had a cardiac arrest on the pitch during the Bolton/Spurs cup tie last year... his car now adorns the charity "Cardiac Risk in the Young" or CRY as it is known. Astonishing to think that 12 children die every week suddenly. You can find out more about it here
He's one lucky boy!

Heat 2 saw Darren Clark (571) ease the blow of losing the 2014 Ryder Cup captaincy to take a win at Brum, something I always seem to see whenever I'm at Brum... The Consolation saw Justin Fisher (315) give the travelling Westcountry support some cheer on what was the "Club 21" away day trophy.

The Final had every big name in tarmac (bar a few drivers who stayed for easy points!) so it had the makings of a cracker. Plenty of quick lower graders and race winners. After 2 very poor starts where the blues were in the yellows, and then 2nd start where the reds and blues were in the yellows. Appalling starting which doesn't a smooth race. Despite this, it was Aryton Mills (222) and Tom Clark (575) sped away, almost to the point where the Audi pace car got tagged... Another yellow flag,which saw Drew Lammas (341) try his damndest to get in despite being the cause of the stoppage and the Audi Pace Car was replaced by the HMS Ark Royal, sorry Mercedes. Another appalling start saw both Mills and Clark get over taken by Dave Sansom (352) and Lee Carlin (963) (who incidently under this keyboard steward would have been starting from the back of the grid for having an incorrectly graded aerofoil. The rulebook clearly states that your aerofoil should be the colour of your grade. Carlin's was predominately blue.) Both clearly jumped the start which due to hesitancy brought about by the pace car starter who looked like he was doing Night Fever! Only Neil Truran can do that. So the yellows go off into the distanceand take the chequered, and the Steward brings forth the dodgy jumpers, and Kelvyn Whalley (101) becomes beneficiary in chief, and Birmingham's man of the moment, gold roof Mickey Brennan (1) with Carlin and Sansom both unhappy....

So with the GN going the way of Brennan, it was pack away the toys and off up the M6 you go to Cannock with ya!

Points of Order

The DJ firing up the 90's Dance Classics, can't beat a bit of Maxx or Corona. I was transported back to the Sunflower Centre in Pensilva, in my youth club, waiting to play pool with me 20p and  bag of penny chews with some Panda pops to wash it down with.

Well as people know, I am not a fan of Formula 1, but the added attraction to the mix of the new guns of an old gun with a point to prove, a certain Mr Speak certainly made the racing interesting. The whole travelling roadshow feel gives it a bit of a WWE feel to it. Plenty of storylines for the numpties on Stoxnet et al too mull upon. The same faces week in, week out, not for me sorry. However the 1's were top class. Plenty of leathering of the front bumper and the final was something else. Was Tom Harris (84) guilty of doing a Gordon, following in Speaky and getting away with it?? Who knows...There were bumpers flying everywhere, a gaggle of stars changing positions in every corner....Don't believe me?

Have a look at the video.....



Did Mark Moon (aka the Cab Stig) and his Cabtec empire design the new John Lund wing...

Who chopped the whiskers off the Tractor that was towing Junior off, as it wedged the 515 into the armco.........

Dave Goddard invoking the spirit of Greenhalf, as he was obviously betrothed his "Dutch for Beginners" unto the spectacled commentator....

Awful news that one of the transporters carrying a F1 caught fire on the way down, with the bus and the spare and car totally destroyed. Thankfully all the team were accounted for and no one was hurt, but such a shame....

As everyone head towards Hedno or home, I aimed for the later, not a great fan of Hednesford, plus Lampy had to go home and pick up the family to travel up to Birmingham to go and see Pink......Na na na na, na na na na na.

Laters y'alll

England's Green and Chequered Win

Good Friday, and with the Westcountry awakening to sunshine, all roads headed north, to the Primo Green Brahampton Northfield on the International  Raceway, 

As we moved further north a light dusting fell away to the proof of that anything north of Southampton got a true deluge of snow, as the Horton Road to the stadium, looked like 2 badly iced Christmas cakes, such was the drift....
So an attendance in the 50's, not seen since the European weekend the previous year, and for a domestic meeting not seen since, last Easter!

So the first went away, before Westcountry pair Jamie Beere (954) and Jay Tomkin (290) had a little clinch. After Lordy Gordy (7) gave an opening gambit with the bumper, made his RCE go sick the following corner.  Local chap Peter Hobbs (8) took a win from yellow, something things never change at NIR!

The second heat saw a quite tasty tussle between Golden Mickey and the Hurricane Hooper, trying to put in a few blows away from home, however it was Brennan who got Neil in a spin. Up front, the top yellow to watch in the country, Aaron Vaight  (184) led them away, before the how is he blue, blue top Kelvyn Whalley (101) took over

The consi was one of looking where Moodie was. However he got hooked up behind Daniel Fallows (581) slowing his progress down. Track Champion at NIR, Mike Green (115) took the duster on a trip.

Popus Colinus Higmanus  DCCLXXVIII

A 36 car final was what the people wanted, and it was what the people got as Autospeed, said, 3 12's are 36, lets have a good un! Two dropped out before the start, but when things got rolling all eyes turned to the ex James Thackra DK car, under the hands of Ashley England (846), a new driver, with a racing heritage behind him. He sped away, and was in a half lap lead fairly early. It looked in the bag for a flag to flag, until travelling Scottish yellow top Wullie Draeger (102) got the mother of all blow jobs, as white smoke embellished the racetrack.
Colin Higman was not in residence
With the grid closed, England got a perfect start, with plenty of daylight between the chasing pack of Moodie and Green. As those watched the red top battle behind, England had pulled away from Vaight and was in the distance. Chequered collected, and a decent last bender from Moodie on Green saw a very entertaining final which had all spectators clapping, albeit slightly muffled with gloved hands.... Most headed home, to warmth or to Skeg so didn't see Whalley win the GN

Points of Order....

Happy shit roads to the westcountry day! Usually, we're going against the tide and never meet  traffic. With the opportunity to Co-Drive, Uncle Lampy, took a punt on A43 for way home. It was a good punt, otherside of Swindon in under an hour. However the next 2, trying to go through said Wiltshire town was a bit of a chore. My predicament gained no sympathy from racing brothers and Ant n' Dec tribute act Duncan and PJ Moss. "Unlucky!" was Mr Moss Jnr's helpful retort.

Primo, for all intents and purposes,  is a strawberry and kiwi based energy drink. It wasn't a bad drop...very sweet!

Diggy Smith (116) made his Saloon comeback in style, making his presence felt, in what looked like an over ironed banger!

Proof that BMW drivers are on the whole inconsiderate, 3 beemers asked to move cars, including this numpty. On a bank holiday, people are going on holiday to the coast, often leave their brains at home. We had a beemer doing an undertake, so as a fellow German car driver, I kept him in the middle lane for 3 junctions. Coming into the roadworks, I like the rest, slowed to 50mph. Now coming up behind me lights flashing, was not a BMW. Not even an Audi, or a chavved up Focus. It was a Norman Gormless type in a brown Fiat Multipla, a bit like the OAP mobile that Top Gear did. He was josticulating wildy ordering me to move over. Stood fast and stuck to the limit did I, forcing him to go the high side. Once the national speed limit sign came, I gave it the beans, josticulated back, and the spirit of Christianity swamping the air on Good Friday was restored....

Myself and Lampy considered the fact that I Drove All Night is our racing roadtrip song. Cyndi Lauper or Roy Orbision its all good. Although Roy, probably wouldn't have driven all night as he was registered blind. What is disconcerting is that potetnially he did, or his guide dog did. He then proceeded to wake said lady from her sleep and make love to her. Presuming consent had been given and that she was fully aware of this, otherwise its rape Roy, the achievement that he actually got his end away, with a semi comotosed woman, and still had full faculties in order after. Most women just mumble an expletive and roll over.

As everyone rushed off to Skeg... I rushed off to the car, switched the blowers on full and heat to max!

A nice report from Skeg should be heading our way soon enough, in the meantime, the meetings come thick and fast...

The End.... continued.....

Just check the date.... don't you feel like a numpty!

The End

It is with a heavy heart that the blog is coming to an end.

I have been offered a commentary job, and as a result, this would be a conflict of interest....
It's been fun!
More details will follow later today